Σάββατο, 26 Μαΐου 2012

they shoot romantics, don't they?

50% of 4 am wake ups and five different kind of pills per day left.
ladies and gentlemen, we are heading with remarkable momentum towards the "healing months", as I like to call them.
I am going to paint my head cucumber green, I am going to go to teaching seminars in order to become a professionally paid clown, I will propably spend all my very precious money into buyng tickets for music gigs and have nothing to live on by the time university season starts, I will throw my friend the most mind-blowing-memorable for the rest of your life and paradise too- week long birthday party, including an 80s-70s battle music theme, I will read all the books listed in 'Le Monde's 100 Books of the Century', and I will pretend that I deserve all this. I will volunteer and I will occasionally cry for misery's sake. I will wake up next to someone I love and I will sit next to strangers.
Maybe I will just do nothing.
Just the part of me imagining what I want to do is half the healing. And is the only thing keeping me from having a nervous breakdown.
3 more times of 3hour long headaches in hot schoolclasses writting about eserichia coli and mr. Fermat like the devil himself is chasing my letters across the paper.
there is absolutely no point in me writting all this on the internet. if you read it, it won't matter to you. it will pretty much be like you didn't at all.

when was the last time you secretly laughed to yourself?

last time you danced alone? ( I am talking slow dancing with metal!)

last time you run out and stuck out your hand in the rain on a May afternoon?




I had to pay someone with a degree to teach me how to be human. And how to live like a 17 year old should.

thank heavens it was worth it!

cheers then !

Πέμπτη, 3 Μαΐου 2012

errāre hūmānum est

people are not "needy". If what people were was in fact "needy", we might have actually found out what it is that we need. we are simply demanding.almost greedily demanding. we expect form everyone else to be perfect, not one day of the week, not for a period of time. always. that's why we immediately become so mad and dissapointed when others fail to live up to our ridiculously high expectations and to our naively constructed image of how things should be. 
Seneca advised to be more pessimistic. Always having as a foremost mindset that the most propable turnout is the worst. To start of the day expecting everything to go terribly wrong, and everyone to dissapoint and fail us. This way, when something bad actualy were to happen we would be prepared for it and not taken by surprise. So we shouldn't expect anything from anyone, because, chances are, noone is ever going to give you anything.
but people always expect too much. everyone else but us, should be perfect so that we can avoid the possibility of one of our flaws ricochetting off of someone else's and kaboom following.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/1/1b/Siemiradski_Fackeln.jpg/1280px-Siemiradski_Fackeln.jpg
Nero's Torches (Leading Light of Christianity), Henryk Siemiradzki