well okay. this, right now, this just feels weird.
i haven't slept in more than a day and i have spent the last three hours of my life battling the rising sun itself to see who is going to give up first and hide under the sheets and unfolding my super satanical extra plausible only in a universe where unicorns rule all plan for the next, um, i dunno, decade of my life. yup. and it is juicy.
actually, it is sort of, well, insane and ridiculous -capital R- i don't wanna use capitals as much, they seem a little too aggressive for my taste-.
you know, those people that always have a plan, "the plan". guilty as charged, even though i have never dreamed this day would come, judging from the course of my life so far that has been a chaotic ugly akward mess, i am the one with a plan. fact is, all i have so far is a university acceptance letter and an accomodation service affirmation email which does not seem so much as a plan, but i also have a destination and some plane tickets for one day soon approaching within the next two weeks. so in a frenzy that, embarassinlgy started from watching gossip girl (good grace! what the fuck was i thinking? ), i must add completly accidentally on the tv, i began covetting the legendary Ivy League (here i do not need to be afraid of capitals because, we might just as well be talking about the Gods themselves). So, here is what i thought. 4 years in Glasgow uni, until 22 y.o.a., then 1 year Courtauld Institute until 23, and then migrating to Yale or Princeton until 26 or something. Right? well, beside the apparent weaknesses of this diabolical scheme, such as who is gonna work their ass off for me while i sit on my ass reading books all day and acquiring the one badass degree after the other, there are other more intricate details that need to be sorted out. one very significant would for example be, what the fuck am i even going to study as postgraduate subject. i mean, okay, pick one, history of art, psychology, anthropology, psychiatry, sociology, journalism or creative writing? and yes, it is perfectly possible that i am infatuated with all those disciplines, but nevertheless a logistic problem. which, by the way i have no energy to resolve now, my only intention was just nagging a little while until reaching the unavoidable realization of the bullshity nature of my problems. not to even mention my anxiety outburst that involve me waking everybody naive enough to feel safe sleeping in the same house as me up asking whether they think i have read enough books so that i would be as smart as or smarter than the rest of my class in university.
today is supposed to be the hottest day of the month. in Greece standards this mean 40 degrees and over.
i wanted to jogg today but my mum thought i would die and started arguing about it in the most not-sensible way until i gave up and said i'll go tomorrow.
one other thing my mum likes to disagree with me for in the most illogical way these days is my future plans for my right eyebrow. well, not so 'future', otherwise she wouldn't bother putting up a fight just yet. see, i have no room left in my ears to pierce so i started focusing my attention in my face and when i say face, i only mean my eyebrows cause i don't really like it anywhere else. like, nowhere else. you know what i am thinking, the land down under and shit. no way man.just no way.
so, now my mum and my brother fear i might turn into a freak and possibly won't look at my face straight again, just like you avoid the rays of the annoying sun turning your sight sideways. imagine what they'd do if i actually pierced the other thing, or things.you know. god, change of topice, please.
i don't think i have anything else. mighty heavens, i might just have finally run out of neuroses for the day.
(well, that's quite impossible but lets pretend that it is true.)
i am going to try to turn my blood into coffee. see if that'll keep me awake for awhile longer.