Τετάρτη, 18 Ιουλίου 2012

i should start to think!

i hate hate hate summer. for someone born in Greece, yeah, that's just wrong, but in this heat i doubt anyone on the face of the earth would want to be where i am.
right now i am breaking all my psychologist's rules by staying home when my friends are out. i am living in a three room-ready to rot from the filth and to collapse from the ages- apartment in Crete with four other people, two of them boys, and my word! boys are dirty. yup.there i said it. i had to complain somewhere and here it is.
it is fun though. we wake up everyday at 3 o'clock and we try to cook anything remotely edible while doing absolutely nothing at all. the boys steal our only source of airconditioning and we sit around doing our nails and bitching about the heat. ah, the days. yes. but today i chose not to force myself into being kind and cheerful at a place i do not want to be. i said, no thanks, i will stay home and abuse the laptop at hand. the other day me and two of my friends had a conversation about people. they said that at times they actually went out alone, with the excuse of shopping or something, just to see people, because other people, in a mall or in the street, made their day. i of course could never understand what that must feel like. i embrace the motto of my dear friend Sartre, that hell is others.
a while ago i was watching a video on TED about introverts and all the while i was screaming on the inside "yes! you go sister!" to the woman talking. she was saying that simply some people are different than others and can function in different environments than others, without that meaning that this is a wrong or peculiar thing to do. yesterday i explained to my friends that these days were naturally considered 'a vacation' and 'a time off' but that i also was looking forward to the time i would spend alone back home, and that that time would actually be the time that i rest. not always, but occasionally,  it takes some effort for me to be with people, even my best friends, and to be chatty and 'social'. it is ridiculous how many times that has been considered as rude or even depressive to others. i do not prefer others to my friends. i prefer no one. i can understand how such a behaviour can be deemed antisocial , but, come on, have you taken a look lately at our society? why on earth should i be pro that? 
i am simply tired of going out and doing nothing. i do not need company in staying idle or in drinking a beer or in listening to music. i do appreciate sharing my passion, whether that is music or even drinking, with other people but does that apply to any people? people go to clubs to listen to music and dance and be with friends.as a matter of fact, a friend of mine once told me that she loves the moment when in the club plays a song that everyone knows and everyone starts singing along and dancing. i do not have to go to a club, i can wear my sweats and ask a friend over, get drunk on cheap wine and dance and sing all night long to any kind of music i want, yes, even metal. 
clearly, this kind of things are not my cup of tea but still i feel odd. i feel like i am denying my friends or somehting and even though it is silly it will probably take some time getting used to it. from both sides.
i am an introvert, and i am not afraid anymore to say 'no' to certain things. sometimes i am just better off in my own head. it's a dangerous but comfortable place to be, since not even my own skin is comfortable sometimes.
i fear i might melt from the heat.









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